Atheist Devotional Book #4

The following entry is from page 263:

My husband Link and I had prepared to backpack into the Grand Canyon for a solid year before our trip. But most of that conditioning had been with only partially filled packs and on flatter surfaces than we would encounter on the canyon trails.

On our second day of the real hike, on the Tonto Platform between the Hermit trail and the more primitive trail at Boucher Creek, we were already very tired. A couple of hours of walking didn't quite match up to eight hours a day of hard hiking.

We were plodding along the trail on the Tonto, a little after noon on the second day of the trip, when suddenly a huge brown bear leaped on Link and killed him within seconds.

I yelled at the bear and it came running towards me with an obvious intent on killing me too! I spun around and lit my flame thrower with my cigarette lighter sending a stream of fire into the bears face! The bear let out a howl and ran into the woods still in flames. I tracked the bear down and finished it off with my 45's.

I can remember my husband and I talking about the "survival of the fittest". Now he is an illustration of the losing end of that equation.

I married again a week later to some guy I met in a bar.

Ironic, isn't it? A bear took one husband...at a bar I found another. And his name is Davy Crockett, just like the historic figure who killed him a "bar" when he was only three.

We divorced a week and a half later. 

Just like evolutionists and monkeys are one big family, atheists and bears have a lot in common. It's kill or be killed in this bear-eat-man world we live in. 

Kisses and bear hugs to all my readers. 

Atheist Devotional Book #3

Another entry in Faye Rosehart's "devotional"...

I'm sitting on a park bench, reading a book while the butterflies hover over a stalk of hollyhocks and then flutter to the daylilies bending on their stems. I've come to this bench as I often do on a Saturday to escape the phone and the computer and the bills that need to be paid. I even make a point of not taking a watch. It's my sort of "staycation" -- a way of getting away without going far at all.

All of a sudden my calm is interrupted by a boy, about three years old, who dashes along the path and then ducks behind a hedge.

"I'm hiding!" he calls to his mother, who's pushing an empty stroller along the path behind him.

"You can't see me! I'm imbizabul!" he yells, his blond cowlick rising over the shrubbery like a duck's tail.

Of course she can see him and so can I. The boy pops up from behind the hedge and greets his mother in a fit of giggles.

"You found me!" he exclaims in pitch high enough to break my reading glasses.

"I did!" she says, giving him a hug.

I watch them go and then get up from my bench, thinking, I'm glad I don't have any little brats to waste my atheistic time. I wonder how those two would like it if I went to their home and starting making a bunch of racket. Something always seems to break into my quite moments and mess up my day. I'm sick of these stupid birds singing around me as well! 

Sometimes I wish I were in solitary confinement.

So, remember readers...if your day is interrupted by the noise of laughing morons or singing beasts, fire a couple of shots into the air and tell them to get lost!

Atheist Devotional Book #2

Here is another page from the devotional designed to keep atheism evolving:

My favorite flowering plant is the hibiscus. Last summer I bought a large potted red one and put it on our patio. Nurtured by rain and our sprinkler system, the plant grew like a weed in a vegetable garden. I enjoyed immensely its rich green leaves and bright trumpet blossoms. Does evolution have good ideas or what?

This winter, as the temperature dipped near freezing, I brought the hibiscus into our sunny breakfast room to protect it from the cold. There was one problem, however: I wasn't accustomed to watering the plant and I soon forgot to. Last week I discovered the hibiscus wilted, yellow, frail and no longer breathing.

I was disgusted with myself for being so neglectful to a harmless plant. I went to the closet, got out a croquet mallet and pounded it flat in front of all my other plants. I wanted them to know that I am the master.

I walked over to one of my chrysanthemums, which was in shock, and slapped it around. Then I ran over the rest of my outside plants with my lawnmover.

In the midst of all this, I wept for their evolutionary history. Just think, if plants had become the predominant life form, we might be suffering from mistreatment in the green leaves of a Venus Flytrap!

Go gently through that good night everybody. Be positive about the negative wherever your feet find you.

Atheist Devotional Book

Came across this book by Faye Rosehart in a used book store while I was in the States this summer. Seems that Faye Rosehart wrote this book a year before she passed on. She was a chain smoker and corn cob pipe enthusiast. This was a very strange book to read. Her idea was to have a daily guide to atheistic principles and propaganda. Faye was buried with a carton of Winstons.

Here is a page from this volume. Let me know what you think of it.

During my first month working at the book store, a red-haired man who looked like Red Buttons pushed his way through the line at the information desk and barked, "I need a book called Atheists and the Unicorn!" 

The tiny woman at the front of the line gingerly looked at him and said, "I should rip your heart out...but, you don't seem to have one."

I smiled at both of them and told the rude man, "The book you're wanting is called, Atheists and the UNIVERSE." I began walking around the counter to lead him to the shelf.

He stopped in his tracks. "No, young lady, the book I want is called Atheists and the Unicorn. It's by... let's see..." He wrinkled his brow in thought. "Kip Tawkin."

"You're close, sir," I said, "it's by Kip Squawkin."

"No, I know I'm right."

He seemed so sure of himself that I mumbled, "I check our inventory and see if it's here."

"Never mind. I will go elsewhere!"

He stormed off and got into his car. Then he drove it into our store, breaking the front glass doors and injuring four other innocent atheists.

I shot through his windshield five or six times, with my handgun, before the car door came open and Mr. Pompous Baboon fell out. 

I rushed to his side and lifted up his head. His last words were..."It's a livin'."

We informed the police before we cremated him.

What does it all matter anyway? We all wind up being nothing with a lower case "n". 

Hope this helps you as you speed through your miserable life, my friends. 

This is Faye Rosehart saying, "Love to smoke, love to drink, I think I married the missing link."  

DNA Coffee for Atheists

Pig Pen Polemics #2