Arminian Antics #71

Investigation of Benny Finney Funeral

click on photo to enlarge if you really feel you have to

I suspected something afoot when I heard Benny Finney's funeral was to be held at the Harry Houdini Funeral Home in Denmark, Ohio. Knowing that the funeral director was a fan of Calvinistic Cartoons, I had him snap a photo of the coffin that was being used.

Upon further investigation I spotted this detail (see photo) showing that this coffin was once the property of David Blaine, the magician.

Something is rotten in Denmark and it ain't Benny Finney's body!

Funeral director, Fritz Langella, skyped me said that "Benny Hinn arrived and demanded that the doors be locked so that his faith could be free to work without hindrance from unbelief. He handed every funeral staff member a hundred dollar bill and told us to go buy a burger. His bodyguards were pretty mean looking so we headed on out for lunch. Benny Hinn told us that we should expect a miracle when we return."

Can you believe this crazy stuff?

Arminian Antics #70

Arminian Antics #69

Arminian Antics #68

Benny Finney's 7 Things Challenge

Dear Readers,
I know you are used to the Arminian Antics blog being published at this time period but, Benny Finney did not post his blog this week. I did happen to find this article by Benny in the latest issue of Arminianism Weakly. Hope you enjoy it. So for your consideration, here is Mr. Benny Finney, in his own words:

 After much prompting from two imaginary deacons and my humongous load of fan mail, I have decided to take up the seven things challenge. I am supposed to list seven facts about my life that are known by angels and some of the staff at Arminian Antics. All of this is real...so here goes:

1. I have a scar on my left foot shaped like the Mona Lisa. When I was 9 years old I was playing baseball, barefoot, with neighborhood kids on the south side of Potato Head, Idaho. I jumped a ditch to retrieve the ball and landed on a broken Pepsi bottle. I didn't even know what had happened until I looked back and saw all the blood on the street. My Uncle Remo rushed me to the hospital where I was treated by a quack doctor. My scar was the subject of laughter in the military when I pointed out that the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

2. Larry Storch once performed a skit I suggested. Before I was married, I hitch-hiked to Hollywood and attended the Jerry Stiller show (Hey...it was free!), whose co-host that week was Larry Storch. Prior to the show, the staff handed out index cards to the audience. We were to write an idea for Larry to improvise. I wrote my idea and also taped a five on the side. Jerry Stiller picked out about five skits, mine being the last and Mr. Storch did a full ten minutes using my suggestion. The idea was simply he being a stranded ice cream man in a warehouse freezer.

3. I have a combination of Trypanophobia and Arachnophobia. That is the extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections given to spiders. 

4. I was not always an Arminian, but I was always given the choice to be one.

5. One of my ancestors was hanged for impersonating Abraham Lincoln. I don't know the entire story but I suspect she took advantage of several townsfolk.

6. I am related to the actor, Nancy Walker.

7. I used to shoplift when I was a teen, until I was scared straight after getting caught walking out of a store with a bundle of Chick tracts. They found several items I stole from the Happy-Go-Lucky Arminian Books and Trinkets Emporium and threatened me with life at the Oral Roberts University. They let me go without even informing my parents. I rode my bicycle  home praying all the way that my mother would never find out. She never did.

Cliffhanger Calendar

Click to read, Click to use

Then treat yourself to some chocolate mousse!

Optical Illusion Book by Benny Finney

Pictured above is an entry in Benny Finney's newest book. The small volume is entitled, Benny Finney's Theological Optical Illusions, The purpose of his book is to "visually undermine any Calvinistic concepts that I just can't agree with." According to Finney, this book will "shatter the teeth of any tulip-lover that dares open the cover!" Benny was seen on TBN a few days ago doing magic tricks aimed at the Reformed. He made a casket full of tulips disappear, he pulled a daisy out of the ear of Jan Crouch and he accidently set her hair on fire. This small book sells for just under one hundred American dollars but, as Benny put it, "All my prophets go to cutting edge churches." His explanation of the "illusion" above is - "Once you see PRE as FREE (as in FREE WILL) you will never be the same again!" 

Arminian Antics #45

Arminian Antics #42