2011: Arminian Antics

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Letter from Buster Limburger

Dear Calvinistic Cartoons,

I want to file a complaint...not about your blog, but against Benny Finney and his Arminian Antics! I had auditioned for the role of AA icon a few weeks ago. I memorized, not only John 3:16, but 1 John 3:16 as well. I made my own costume - I call it "Straw Man" and sang the National Anthem while juggling chain saws and torches. I lost out to Babs Gouda by one vote.

I demanded a recount, but because there were only 3 votes to begin with, Mr. Finney said, "No".

Mr. Eddings, I have worked hard at being the best icon I could be. I previously worked at Taco Bell as a giant chihuahua icon who stood on the corner and pointed to the restaurant when a car passed by. I think I deserve this privilege more than Miss Fancy Pants.

If you know of any other blogs...and I really don't care if they are Arminian or Calvinistic...would you please let me know? There might be a nice five dollar bill sent your way if I hear something in the next 48 hours....(remember, I said "might").

Your could-be-icon,

Buster Limburger

Friday, September 16, 2011

Benny Finney's 7 Things Challenge

Dear Readers,
I know you are used to the Arminian Antics blog being published at this time period but, Benny Finney did not post his blog this week. I did happen to find this article by Benny in the latest issue of Arminianism Weakly. Hope you enjoy it. So for your consideration, here is Mr. Benny Finney, in his own words:

After much prompting from two imaginary deacons and my humongous load of fan mail, I have decided to take up the seven things challenge. I am supposed to list seven facts about my life that are known by angels and some of the staff at Arminian Antics. All of this is real...so here goes:

1. I have a scar on my left foot shaped like the Mona Lisa. When I was 9 years old I was playing baseball, barefoot, with neighborhood kids on the south side of Potato Head, Idaho. I jumped a ditch to retrieve the ball and landed on a broken Pepsi bottle. I didn't even know what had happened until I looked back and saw all the blood on the street. My Uncle Remo rushed me to the hospital where I was treated by a quack doctor. My scar was the subject of laughter in the military when I pointed out that the Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

2. Larry Storch once performed a skit I suggested. Before I was married, I hitch-hiked to Hollywood and attended the Jerry Stiller show (Hey...it was free!), whose co-host that week was Larry Storch. Prior to the show, the staff handed out index cards to the audience. We were to write an idea for Larry to improvise. I wrote my idea and also taped a five on the side. Jerry Stiller picked out about five skits, mine being the last and Mr. Storch did a full ten minutes using my suggestion. The idea was simply he being a stranded ice cream man in a warehouse freezer.

3. I have a combination of Trypanophobia and Arachnophobia. That is the extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections given to spiders.

4. I was not always an Arminian, but I was always given the choice to be one.

5. One of my ancestors was hanged for impersonating Abraham Lincoln. I don't know the entire story but I suspect she took advantage of several townsfolk.

6. I am related to the actor, Nancy Walker.

7. I used to shoplift when I was a teen, until I was scared straight after getting caught walking out of a store with a bundle of Chick tracts. They found several items I stole from the Happy-Go-Lucky Arminian Books and Trinkets Emporium and threatened me with life at the Oral Roberts University. They let me go without even informing my parents. I rode my bicycle home praying all the way that my mother would never find out. She never did.